I’ve been married to Richard for over fifty years and lately I’ve been feeling like I’m missing out on something. Richard is fanatical about fishing. Fifteen years ago when we moved into our new home he met Clark who lived across the street and the rest is history. Most weekends are spent on some lake somewhere and this weekend was no exception. The last five years have been really tough on me. It seems I had developed a stronger than normal desire for sex but Richard’s had lost interest and this morning when I awoke I had an urge that needed to be scratched badly.So here I stood in the shower, lost in my make believe world. Richard was outside loading his fishing gear into Clark’s truck and boat. I reached up and removed the hand wand from its holder and pushed the button for massage. Starting at the back of my neck I closed my eyes and let the water do its magic. My left hand was free and I cupped my left breast and then began pinching and pulling on the nipple. I brought the water. These are compliments of AllenA 50-year-old lawyer who had been practicing sincehe was 25 years old died and arrived at the pearlygates of heaven. The lawyer said to St. Peter, "Iam surprised I died so young. I was very activeand always ate well. And I'm only 50 years old!"St. Peter looked at his book and looked back downat the lawyer. "Fifty years old, you say?According to your billing records, you should be83."What's the difference between female prosecutorsand terrorists? ... You can negotiate with terrorists.The tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and anexpensive, dishonest lawyer are in the same room.There is a $500 bill on a table in the room. Whenthey leave, the money is gone. Who took it? ... Since there is no such thing as the toothfairy, the answer is obvious.What can a goose do that a duck can't do that alawyer won't do? ... Stick his bill up his ass.What do you call parachuting lawyers? ... Skeet.How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50?... "Good morning, your honor."What do.
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